Make it stop

Love is a beautiful thing to feel, unfortunately it gives you the chance to also experience heart brake. 28 years and never felt that punch in my stomach, that empty feeling, that lump in my throat that blocks my breathing.28 years I have never felt so physically numb and paralyzed, so lost. Never has my mind swirled so blankly and yet with so much. Never have I felt my chest rip apart that way. I am not angry at the actions as much as I am for the feeling it caused in me. This is new to me, and it hurts, it physically hurts my body, I am exhausted as if I have been drained out. I cannot repeat this feeling, Ever! The freezing air outside had no effect on the numbness I felt, I was completely dumbfound. Tears seem like they are a natural reaction, either to free yourself, or maybe its an overflow. How long does it take to not feel this way. How do I make it stop, how do I make myself stop, you caused this so make it stop! I am ashamed at my actions too, but what can I say my intuitions are never wrong. You gave me your reason, but I cannot comprehend the why. Why?

• -Note To Self