Am I the only one to hate flashbacks, to be reminded of a pain, one hasn’t healed from. How a someone can bring you so much joy, and then take it away so easily like a thief. Leave you wondering all the why’s or the what if’s. How that someone said trust me, so you did. How that someone said you could tell them anything, only to be used against you after. How you once thought of allowing someone into your mind, only to find out that, that person couldn’t take everything that ran through your mind. How that one person shut you off without an explanation, making you wonder what you did wrong. Why suddenly you feel so used, your heart dropped to the floor, your mind swirling of where did it go wrong. And the world wonders why we find it difficult to trust anyone, to allow someone have full trust of our mind and body. This is why, because people leave without an explanation, shutting you out. Leaving you to figure it out with your own unraveling, and picking yourself up on your own. Do you know how many nights one stays awake, how many tosses one does, how many times you feel a punch in your stomach, throat startled from a  cry that wanted to escape. Then the next emotion is anger, and guilt for feeling anger, as if one isn’t entitled to feel angry. Then you learn let it go, only to have flashbacks of the once happy memory that now has turned into a painful memory. What happened to honesty, what happened to being upfront. All one asks is that the moment you are done, please say so, rather then get slapped in the face with silence, and being blocked from all there social media accounts. Yea , we get the memo, but one prefers to be told these things upfront. No, you don’t owe anyone  an explenation, but it would be easier to move on with one. Or does one let go of there pride, and look crazy and be the first to start asking the questions. Worst part is, just as quick as it started, one would take you back in, no questions asked. How more wreckless can one be..

-Note To Self 

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