I find it easy to let things go, I don’t really hold grudges much, they fade with time. Therefor, I don’t think I have experienced emotional pain because of it, except for once. I can’t talk about it, because just the thought of it , I cannot bare. All I can say is 18 is too young to understand, your own thoughts and feelings. Too young and gullible to be thrown into the adult world. Too young for love or relationships. What happened to my idealism of love and romance, when did it fade, when did I forget. When did my impulsive behavior begin and why. Why did it blind me too a depth that left me broken and hurt. I can’t rewind time, I cannot focus on the past, but those faded memories still haunt me on my restless nights. I don’t recall wanting it in that way, He would argue differently though. I usually am thrilled of this impulsive behavior because it has made me conquer things and create, yet that first leap was too much, was the wrong one at the wrong time. I am not ashamed, or mad anymore, I am not sorry anymore, but it still hurts in my memories and for that I feel sorry. That I Know the past should stay their, but memories aren’t meant to be put any where,  they linger.

-Note To Self


5 thoughts on “I Don’t Recall

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