I find it ironic, how people have a perspective of me, and truly believe they know me too well. That I am this confident mom that has it handled, that my bluntness and lack of sympathy to my responses are what is needed. How I am constantly doing something with my kids, for my kids or for my self, or taking up a challenge. How I have such patience in moments most would flip out, how I manage to appeal calm and relaxed.

Did you know that’s quite a lie, let me give you an example of my constant attack on my ridiculous fears. Yesterday I was driving to the grocery store, not very far from where I live. It was a rainy day, and as I’m pulling out into the street, instantly I get this flush of fear through my body. Almost like a tingly sensation, like something creeping up from behind me. I try to turn up the music to shut off my mind, doesn’t help much. The thoughts that cross my mind make me feel like I’m insane for thinking them. Of what would happen if I waited a little longer to pull out into the street, that car could of hit me. Or how as I’m driving across an intersection, another car blindly crosses and smashes into my car. What if the car next to me without signal or warning crosses into my lane and causes my car to skid on that slippery rainy floor. Or how I am pulling into the parking lot, and randomly a person isn’t paying attention and crosses my path and I bump them. Or how as I am pulling in the parking space, another care decided they are more in a rush and they decided to force their car into that space. Silly thoughts, yes they are, but they are very real to me, they bring me an enormous sensation of fear. Just like every time I plug in something electrical in the socket, the fear I have of being electrocuted.

I could wallow at home and refuse to never step out of bed, because the world is to terrifying for me, the what IFs are too many for my mind to grasp. But I can’t, not my thing, I prefer to conquer these silly obnoxious fears everyday. I rather tell my self “you got this”, then ” you should have”. It takes courage, it takes strength, it takes will power, all of which you have more of then you think. You aren’t given something that you can’t handle, I truly believe that.

-Note To Self

Hope you enjoy these -note to self posts, feel free to give your feedback or thoughts and follow to keep reading more. – Thank you

10 thoughts on “Conquering Fear

  1. I was involved in a major car crash two years ago. I was left with broken ribs, punctured lung and a shattered knee cap. I drive but i dont like it. In the last week I have had two minor hits that weren’t my fault. I too envisage crash after crash every time I get behind the wheel. I still do it though! I have to!


  2. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I too have had people applaud me for many of the same attributes, I often jump straight to a worst case scenario and get myself all worked up over nothing.


  3. It can be frustrating when people see only the best in me because that makes me feel like they don’t see the real me, the me that’s barely holding on sometimes. It’s nice to have someone bolster my spirits but it can often times leave me feeling worse because my issues aren’t being dealt with…their encouragement is more of a band aid than a healing balm so nothing ever heals

    Liked by 1 person

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