screenshot_2016-01-02-16-22-22-1.pngA very common question I get asked by people is, ” how do you do it, with three small boys?”. ” how do you have such patience?” I usually just joke around and say “coffee helps”. Truthfully, I don’t know. I wake up and get on a routine, a lot of self pep talks in my head, to avoid getting overwhelmed. A lot of pausing moments to catch a breath. Taking night showers to allow myself to unwind and  at times cry in silence, because the day felt too chaotic. My body language looks as if I’m calm and I have everything under control. In my head, I’m screaming, and yanking my hair, dealing with the constant crying, tantrums, and the arguments between them along with my daily chores of being an at stay at home mother and wife. It is difficult to act as if I have them and the situations under control, it takes so much energy out of me, that by the end of the day, it feels like I don’t have anymore to give. I love being a mother, it truly is a blessing. But living so far away from all family and friends, no one to lean on, to visit or babysit, no one to go to, has become too much at times. They literally go every where I go; dentist apps. sitting on a corner, doctor apps. sitting on the other side of the curtain, grocery shopping, one sitting on my lap as I am doing homework, etc… Alone time only exists when I’m in the shower. So how do I do it? I don’t, it just looks like I do, really though, I’m just taking the day moments at a time. I cry and scream inside my head a lot, then those moments get washed away by precious moments, that if I had allowed my self to be over taken into those overwhelming emotions, I would have missed the beauty of having three boys. The fact is I don’t have time to brake down, to drift into a negative state of mind. My boys only see happiness and fun and even though I’m shattering in the inside, they wont see it, because life is balanced and I have as many joyful moments as I have overwhelming ones.

-Note To Self

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2 thoughts on “Balance

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