I don’t think I can understand what people mean by,” I need to learn to share my feelings”. I think I do the best that I can, but it seems no matter how much I try, it’s never enough. As if my attempt were pointless and meaningless. Only if you could understand that, everyday I try my best, and my best is never enough for you. When I hear those words, a part of me feels like it’s being shattered. I know I’m not very good at it, but trust that it’s the best I can. So I apologize for the lack of emotions, the lack of sharing, the lack of my ability. But just so you know, I love, I care, I hurt, I feel, I cry, I brake. I have gone beyond my ability to love, share, and compromise for you. Unfortunately it’s not enough, and I fear one day, all you will see in me, is all things you cant have from me. You see all my flaws and everyday it’s those that you bring up, one day it will be the only thing you see in me, and I fear that day.

-Note To Self

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16 thoughts on “The best I can

  1. Oh I adore this. I feel this way too often and you’ve detailed it perfectly. I look forward to reading more from you 🙂

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  2. I think dealing with your own feelings doesn’t necessarily mean sharing them. Sharing them may help others understand, but it doesn’t always solve the problem especially if you don’t know why you feel the way you do.

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      1. I understand that! This is why I write. I write poetry to reflect my feelings. I find this us the best way. I find it easier to write when I’m down or struggling too. When I’m happy I feel less motivated to write!

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  3. Intimidating. When you are driven by a center which conveys a clear message which “It” alone can interpret, but neither you nor the observer present can decipher. Vexing, frustrating. The worst part can’t be helped, “It is baggage and it is yours”, to the point where it is identified as “You”, by you and those around you. So much that in the end “Conclusions” drawn by relationships are negative, and a familiar pattern emerges, “withdrawal of support” from those you require support from the most. What has taken place is that the Void within, which had already found a “event” about which to vesture, because its negativity already identified with it (Voidedness), has created a pattern of hopelessness. This it is that you captured for me in the last words of this “relate” (message). IE what you fear. For this is the goal of the Void in essence to “Mirror” itself, fulfill itself, despair. Put it into perspective. With the understanding that quite simply, the things which stain us from childhood can only do so effectively with the aid of the prepared canvas within, IE The Primordial stamp, signaling the flaw in our center, our being, The Life of God needs to be reinstated. We are Voided, vacant without His Life, true Purpose being returned to us. This was made possible with the Release of this Life at the Cross of Calvary, Opportunity to start anew, defeat whatever dark events occurred when we had no words as a infant to describe them, yet the Void within took advantage of the negativity and ruefully vestured, gave it substance, in order to discourage us, steal hope away from us. I was touched by “what you fear”, Only you flaws will be seen in culmination. Take hope, this is the Void wanting to consume your hope, demolish it, this, fortunately can be remedied, don’t let the Void use you to fulfill it. Sincerely and with affection; MAO

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