Trying to explain an anxiety attack is pointless, if I can’t even explain it to myself, how can I explain it to someone else. How do I explain the pain, the way my heart feels like its being twisted outside of me, how I have to shut my eyes, grip my chest with all my strength, ignore the odd numbing feeling flowing through my body, the uneven, fast pace breathing, the inability to find ground, how I have to shut off everyone and everything around me. How in that moment I don’t want to hear it, I just want to focus on how cold the floor is, how I can hear a leaf blower outside my door, how I can feel a piece of crumb stabbing my foot and shooting up a pain. How I just want the pain and time to move along so it can be over. I don’t know why, I just know how to deal with them in my own way.
-Note To Self